Mathematically Literate Headlines

What Headlines Would Look Like If We Lived in a Mathematically Literate World

Our World: Market Rebounds after Assurances from Fed Chair
Mathematically Literate World: Market Rebounds after Regression to the Mean

 

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Our WorldFirm’s Meteoric Rise Explained by Daring Strategy, Bold Leadership
Mathematically Literate WorldFirm’s Meteoric Rise Explained by Good Luck, Selection Bias

Our WorldGas Prices Hit Record High (Unadjusted for Inflation)
Mathematically Literate WorldGas Prices Hit Record High (In a Vacuous, Meaningless Sense)

 

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Our WorldPsychologists Tout Surprising New Findings
Mathematically Literate WorldPsychologists Promise to Replicate Surprising New Findings Before Touting Them

Our WorldAfter Switch in Standardized Tests, Scores Drop
Mathematically Literate WorldAfter Switch in Standardized Tests, Scores No Longer Directly Comparable

 

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Our WorldControversial Program Would Cost $50 Million in Taxpayer Money
Mathematically Literate WorldControversial Program Would Cost 0.0001 Percent of Taxpayer Money

Our WorldProposal Would Tax $250,000-Earners at 40 Percent
Mathematically Literate WorldProposal Would Tax $250,000-Earners’ Very Last Dollar, and That Dollar Alone, at 40 Percent

 

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Our WorldPoll Finds 2016 Candidates Neck and Neck
Mathematically Literate WorldPoll Finds 2016 Predictions Futile, Absurd

Our WorldOne Dead in Shark Attack; See Tips for Shark Safety Inside
Mathematically Literate WorldOne Dead in Tragic, Highly Unlikely Event; See Tips for Something Useful Inside

 

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Our WorldLocal Heat Wave Seen as Sign of Global Warming
Mathematically Literate WorldLocal Heat Wave Not Seen as Meaningful Indicator of Global Trends

Our WorldVeteran Baseball Player Enjoys Breakout Month
Mathematically Literate WorldVeteran Baseball Player Enjoys Transient Good Fortune

 

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Our WorldMarket Share for Electric Cars Triples
Mathematically Literate WorldMarket Share for Electric Cars Rises to 0.4 Percent

Our WorldStill No Scientific Consensus on Global Warming
Mathematically Literate WorldStill 90 Percent Scientific Consensus on Global Warming

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Our WorldRates of Cancer Approach Historic High
Mathematically Literate WorldRates of Surviving Long Enough to Develop Cancer Approach Historic High

Our WorldHollywood Breaks Box Office Records with Explosions, Rising Stars
Mathematically Literate WorldHollywood Breaks Box Office Records with Inflation, Rising Population

 

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Our WorldEconomist: “Eliminate Minimum Wage to Create Jobs, Improve Economy”
Mathematically Literate WorldEconomist: “Eliminate Minimum Wage, then Pray Our Model Has Some Basis in Reality”

 

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Our WorldAverage Football Player Earns $3 Million, Lasts 4 Years in NFL
Mathematically Literate WorldAverage Football Player Earns $0 Million, Lasts 4 Years in High School

 

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Our WorldPolitician Promises to Fund Math Education
Mathematically Literate WorldPolitician Promises to Fund, Meddle in Math Education

Our WorldIllegal Downloaders Would Have Spent $300 Million to Obtain Same Music Legally
Mathematically Literate WorldIllegal Downloaders Probably Would Not Have Bothered to Obtain Same Music Legally

 

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Our WorldUnemployment Rate Jumps From 7.6 Percent to 7.8 Percent
Mathematically Literate WorldUnemployment Rate Probably a Little Under 8 Percent; Maybe Rising, or Not, Can’t Really Tell

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About tretrosi2013

Gymnastics Coach, Gymnastics Educator, Part time stand up comic.
This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

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