I Used to Have a Bucket List

If you’re like me, you are a person of many lists.
To do lists, grocery lists, reminder lists, books I should read lists… the list goes on and on.
It’s gotten to a point where I am afraid my lists will dominate my life.

The meditative schlep-o-rama recently led me to this epiphany: nothing on any of my lists is anything I actually want to do anymore.

This breakthrough came as I listened to a strange brew of podcasts on a flight back from Iceland.  It was a stressful trip and I was headed home and my brain was discharging. Much like eating a chili dog before you fall asleep, consuming zesty podcasts does  give me a bad case of heart-yearn.

I realize that there are things I am passionate about, and yet I’ve let  some of them get stone cold on the back burner of life.
And I’ve allowed distraction to do the driving for far too long.

My first instinct was to put together my bucket list just to be sure I’m getting what I want out of this lifetime.

But that wasn’t exactly it. First off, I’m not interested in putting my attention on dying — I’m much more interested in living long and out loud. And second of all, One of the in flight movies  I’d watched  was  Last Vegas, which is one of those “death and Viagra” flicks, just reinforces that I’m not ready for a bucket list, nor probably ever will be. I’m honestly OK with never riding my motorcycle across the country, riding every Roller Coaster, doing stand up comedy on a big stage or going on a safari to Africa.

Somewhere over Greenland I came up with the concept of a F*ckit List. Here’s what a F*ckit list is (and is not):
– The F*ckit list is actually not a list. It’s a state of mind when you think, “F*ck it, I’m just gonna do it.” Or, conversely, “F*ck it, I’m too [fill in the blank – bored, tired, burnt out, disinterested, annoyed, etc.] to do [fill in the blank].” Either one clears the decks for miracles to parade on in.
– It’s nothing that you write on a piece of paper, share with a friend,  log into your “Reminders” app, stick in your Evernote, hang on your fridge, scrawl on your white board, or jot on a Post-it note… unless you want to do any of that. But one more carefully crafted list isn’t gonna jettison you past the daily grind into the stratosphere of stupendous — know what I’m sayin’?

– The surest way to tell if something or someone belongs on your F*ckit List is to check your level of resistance. If it’s high, and you’re not doing the deed anyways, it’s time to figure out which side of F*ckit the task at hand is on. Listen to your Universe: it won’t lie to you AND it will either propel you forward (F*ckit, I’m doing it!) or give you a hall pass (F*ck it, I’m not doing it!)

– The F*ckit List mantra springs from “Me & Bobby McGee” (written by Kris Kristofferson and sung by the ultimate Bitch’in Rock ‘n Roll, Janis Joplin): “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.”
Here’s why that mantra works: if you believe that you are free then all the have to’s and should’s fall apart, and you see clearly that they are nothing but roadblocks… and then you truly understand that you can’t lose. That’s not the same as being guaranteed a win or success — but I can guarantee you will die not trying. A little piece of your heart will go, and then the rest will fold swiftly from there. (And yes I do listen to classic rock on some of these seemingly endless flights! I told you, epiphany comes when the strange brew boils.)

To get you started with your own F*ckit List, here are a few things I have or have had on mine (see, it’s a stream of conscious thing):
I’m tired of being hurt by people I trusted, F*ckit. Gotta keep trying
I should go grocery shopping, but it’s a gorgeous day. F*ckit, I’m going out to play, and I’ll go shopping tonight.
I’m writing a book. I’ve never written a book and probably no one will buy it. F*ck It, I’m doing it anyways.

I have started keeping a nectar list (the things that make life sweet and worth living). More on that later.

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About tretrosi2013

Gymnastics Coach, Gymnastics Educator, Part time stand up comic.
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2 Responses to I Used to Have a Bucket List

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  2. Pingback: 50 Things I’ve learned in my 40’s | VACILANDO

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