I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. Maybe we’ll never know most of them. But even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there.
It has taken me a lot of time to figure out somethings about myself. Like:
It’s okay to feel sad.
We are raised in a society where they teach us that feeling bad is not okay, but that isn’t true, everyone has their bad days and it’s okay to feel sad and let yourself cry. I am not a whiner. When someone asks me how I am doing I always say “Fantastic” or “Amazing” because my pain should not be their burden. When a friend says, “Stop the BS. How are you really?” I always say, “I’m OK”
Should we feel like we are bad people because of the things that make us feel sad? Sometimes I think that I shouldn’t feel unhappy about the things that make me feel down, just because As I am constantly reminded ‘many people have it worse.’ I try to trick myself into believing that they shouldn’t feel down because some people have it worse.
It’s true that whatever you may be going through, someone out there is going through something worse, but don’t confuse feeling bad with not being grateful. They are two complete different things that people associate with one another. Be grateful for what you have but know that feeling upset is absolutely fine, it’s something natural and never apologize or feel bad for the things that make you upset.
We often grant needless weight to trivial aspects, concepts and decisions that come into play in our lives on a daily basis. Keep it simple, and life will be simple. We think that if people really knew how crazy and dysfunctional we really were that no one would ever talk to us. We all have our issues. Accept them.
We are not our worst act
We judge ourselves by our best intentions and most noble acts but all too often we will be judged by our last worst act.
None of us are perfect. We have all made mistakes, committed a small crime (speeding, not coming to a FULL stop at a stop sign). Maybe had too much to drink at a party.
But are we labeled because of these?Are you a SPEEDER? A DRUNK? all because of 1 act?
So many people are quick to judge others because of one bad act.
Remember, you’re as good as the best thing you’ve ever done. – Billy Wilder
Billy Wilder was an accomplished filmmaker and screenwriter, and I assume his quote refers specifically to artistic accomplishments. But ever since reading this quote, I have been wondering if it applies more broadly to accomplishments in other domains, including moral ones. Do the moral high points of our lives determine how good a person we are? Conversely, are we as bad as the worst thing we’ve ever done?
The issue I would like to raise is whether it makes sense to judge a person solely on the basis of the worst thing he or she has ever done.
As an educator, I study character, and one of the conclusions that has emerged from years of teaching is that good and bad character is plural, a family of traits. A pattern of action like kindness and wisdom and gratitude. I do not speak about good or bad character per se but rather about specific aspects of good or bad character.
I’ve know some pretty great people who, day in and day out, reach out to help others. Who are the kind of person everyone wants in their lives. And you know what? They have done some stupid things too! I have also known some reprehensible human beings who have continued to hurt and use those around them. Or just some people who always let their impulses get the best of them. And these people have also done some pretty NICE things.
We always say that we won’t judge anyone, but of course we do! Putting together these ideas, we should judge people – political candidates, our neighbors and friends or even ourselves – in more nuanced ways than we typically do. Singular acts, good or bad, should be taken seriously, but they should not typically bear the sole burden of defining our judgments about the moral worth of anyone.
We are rarely as good as the best thing we’ve done, but neither are we as bad as the worst thing we’ve ever done. We are a reflection of our pattern on behavior.
I am a pretty forgiving guy. I give many a second chance (but few a third).
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me Twice, shame on me.
Just my thoughts on a Thursday.