Ways to infuriate Tea Party Republicans

I am a very PROUD American. I have represented the country in International competitions and seen our flag raised above all others as tears came to my eyes. I am lucky that I have been able to travel internationally quite extensively in the past few years and I am at a point where I am embarrassed over our political climate.

As soon as I land back in the states I am bombarded with ignorance. Yes, I am a democrat. And a left leaning democrat.

Here are some facts to make your republican leaning friends crazy.

1: Republicans can’t stop martyring themselves over abortion this cycle.

Ronald Reagan legalized abortion in California after only four months in office. It was called “The Therapeutic Abortion Act”. Remind them of this every time they scream about abortion.

2: When they start bleeding from the eyes about Socialism, remind them that a Socialist wrote the Pledge of Allegiance.

The Pledge of Allegiance was written in August 1892 by Francis Bellamy (1855–1931), who was a Baptist minister, and Christian Socialist. Socialists really do love America.

3: You know it is coming. “Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi.”

9/11 happened on George W. Bush’s watch, therefore he did NOT keep America safe. Remember this when Jeb talks about how awesome his brother George W. was. Remember this when they say “Never forget Benghazi.” You can also remind them that both chambers of congress have released reports debunking the Benghazi myths, and that an unprecedented 7 committees have come up short on finding a scandal…because there isn’t one.

4: Republicans say how feckless and weak the Democrats are on national defense.

Barack Obama ordered the killing of Osama Bin Laden. It took him two and half years to do what Bush couldn’t do in eight.

5: Regardless of where they live, right-wingers feel the need to support confederate “heritage.”

When they talk about how not-racist the confederate flag is, remind them that the entire Confederacy, including its flag, was based 100% on slavery — not states rights, big government, or “northern aggression”. Read the words of the Vice President of the Confederacy, and what he said about it. Tell anyone who says the Confederate flag is about “heritage” that they are confusing that word with “slavery.” Also, the Confederates were insurrectionists and traitors.

6: Republicans want smaller government and fewer regulations — unless they don’t.

When Republicans talk about how Democrats want “big government” and “more spending”, remind them that Republicans have increased the size of government more than Democrats over the past several decades.

7: Here is one for when they use “entitlement” as a dirty word.

Jesus was a radical leftist Jew that gave free food and healthcare to everyone, and never suggested they encouraged a culture of dependence or entitlement. When they complain about the costs of these things, remind them Jesus also said everyone should pay their taxes without protest.

8: Republicans want to cut spending on things such as food stamps, ignoring the immense waste in our military and discretionary other military budget.

Cut! Cut! Cut! The US Military is a HUGE Socialist program because it is funded 100% by tax dollars. It also is far more expensive than food stamps and Planned Parenthood spending combined, and it is absolutely loaded with waste and zero accountability. Until Republicans get serious about wasteful military spending, they should feel ashamed at wanting to take 100 bucks a month away from a starving family with children.
9: STOP talking about how Republicans freed the slaves.

The Republican party opened its doors to every racist when it embraced the Southern Strategy in the 60s, and it has only gotten worse. We are tired of hearing about how Republicans freed the slaves! You don’t get to use this card until you remove all the racists from your party. Period.

10: Jesus wasn’t present for the signing of the US Constitution.

Every time a Republican can’t pull their nose out of their Bible when it comes the running of our government, tell them that separation of church and state is in the Constitution. It is clearly in the first amendment. Ask them why they hate the Constitution.

11: The tenth amendment seems to apply whenever Republicans lose a SCOTUS decision.

A go-to dodge on many questions is the concept of “states rights”, regarding bigoted laws like same-sex marriage bans. This is regularly ignored when it comes to abortion or legalized marijuana. Federal law always wins over any state law. This too is in the Constitution. It is in article six, clause 2 of the United States Constitution. The tenth amendment gave the states the power to make laws not addressed by the constitution, but the 14th guarantees that a citizen can’t be denied a right in one state that is afforded in another. And yes, the Supreme Court does have the authority to determine what is constitutional under article 3 section 2.

12: No Republican is a scientist.

That is not a surprise on its own, clearly. But, 97% of climatologists agree Climate Change is real. By comparison, 25% of American voters think the Sun orbits the Earth. Somehow, no Republican says the “science” is not definite on the Sun issue. Climate Change is NOT a controversial topic, no matter how much Republicans want it to be.

13: Republicans believe women’s rights are the root of all evil.

Every Republican presidential candidate thinks that if we just force women to give birth against their will, the terrorists will lose, we will have full employment, and all gay people will spontaneously choose a hetero lifestyle. Roe v. Wade was a 7-2 decision made by a Conservative Supreme Court. This is a fact and the debate on abortion was ended decades ago. Stop obsessing about a woman’s uterus.

14: Republicans want to get rid of every tax that exists.

Taxes are not unconstitutional. They are also not theft. They are completely legal and defined as a power of government in the Constitution, in Article I, Section 8, Clause 1. Deal with it. Next time they scream at a police checkpoint “AM I BEING DETAINED?!”, remind them that their right to travel freely on public roads is taxpayer funded.

15: Republicans worship Ronald Reagan while ignoring everything he believed in.

Since Republicans cannot stop obsessing over Ronald Reagan, remind them that Ronald Reagan supported gun control laws. Specifically, he gave high profile support to an assault weapon ban. Why do you people keep loving this guy?

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About tretrosi2013

Gymnastics Coach, Gymnastics Educator, Part time stand up comic.
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