30 Days of Peace. 22

A year ago today my mother-in-law passed away.  Death is part of life. It is something you cannot control. When someone dies we say, “Rest in Peace”. I think when someone is born we should say “Live in Peace”.

I have learned a lot since the passing of my brother a few years ago and my mother in law last year. It sucks. It is sad. It is lonely. It is heartbreaking. It is life-changing. It is painful. It is tragic. It is pathetic. It is devastating. It is depressing… It is just so damn bad. You feel as if your life will never go on. There is a void that can never be filled.

There is so much that they have missed and will miss. It rips you up and tears you down. You feel empty; you feel lost. It leaves a huge gaping hole in your heart that will never, ever heal. It messes with your mind. It brings anger into your heart, anger that you know your mother or your brother wouldn’t want you to feel, but you feel it anyway.
You’ll miss them, probably more than you’ll ever miss anybody in this entire world. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions. One minute you’ll be at peace with their death, the next you’ll feel the heart-wrenching feeling that they are never coming back. Hearing their name will pull at you; it will leave you feeling unsettled, especially when you know that they are missing extreme milestones in your life. It is dark. It is upsetting. It is miserable. There’s regret, there’s guilt, and there is an extreme feeling of loss that could never, EVER, EVER, be replaced. But when you think of them, as a person rather than a lost loved one, and all of the moments the two of you have shared together, each and every lovely memory will flood through your mind.

Think of them before they died. The love they had for you will always outweigh their death. They didn’t leave you because they wanted to; They left because there were other plans for them, and they was greater than this world. When you think of YOUR mother or mother-in-law, or brother, any loved one who has passed- Feel happiness; Feel content; Feel loved.

When you finally realize that life continues on, you realize you are here to live it, and live it for them. You remember the kind of life they wanted for you, and that’s a happy life. You feel them in the wind and you see them in the stars, they visit you in your dreams. But most importantly, when you think of your them, remember that they loved you and may be  guiding you and sending you love when you need it the most.


About tretrosi2013

Gymnastics Coach, Gymnastics Educator, Part time stand up comic.
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