Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you. As we get closer to Thanksgiving and Christmas I remember the excitement you had as a youth. An excitement that you carried into adulthood.
Today is your birthday. In the past I would have spent a great deal of time trying to find the corniest birthday card. Something you would have groaned at. Now I think about you every time I buy a card for anyone.
I just saw something Bridget posted on Facebook about when you knocked O. into the lake at our parents house when he was 1. I laughed because I remember when you hit O. in the face with a soccer ball once when he was maybe 2. Dude- who let you ever have kids?
Speaking of the kids, they are doing great. We will all be getting together soon. They both have so many of your traits. It breaks my heart when O. looks at me sometimes. He has the same look in his eye I remember you having. F. shares your lust for life. You would be proud of them.
Bridget is an amazing mom. I am always impressed by her. I am so glad you guys moved closer. She is coming to Steph’s birthday party. God, I wish you were there. (I’m crying again. damn’t jeff…)
My kids are doing great. You would love to talk to them. They are both politically engaged. Both doing well in school. Chase is doing great with his music. You would appreciate his taste and style. Maddie is looking at heading out to Montana after graduation before grad school.
I probably never told you but I was always proud of you. Since your death I’ve still kept learning from you.
Pain can make you a better person.
I am not the same person I was 3 ago, and that statement is both terrifying and cathartic. I needed a very long time — and many sleepless nights — to process and accept that I had changed.
Through the passage of time, your death has enabled me to look at my life in a way that has given me a deeper perspective. To focus on what really matters. I now find beauty in the most innocuous things and am grateful for so many things I previously took for granted.
The Three R’s
I always wondered what life lessons I would teach my kids. I wanted them to learn HOW TO RESPECT some one and to BE RESPECTED. I also wanted them to learn RESPONSIBILITY. When we lost you I just wanted to crawl in a hole and not come up. I had to learn to be RESILIENT and that is the 3rd lesson I needed to teach the kids.
Tonight I plan on sitting down and having a nice Beer. Something I know you would appreciate. I need to remind myself to call Mike, Chris’ son. Its his birthday too.
If there is one thing the WORLD could learn from you, it’s resilience. You always found a way to laugh and when you laughed, it made everyone feel better.
We could all use a laugh once and a while.
Love and Miss you
PS- If you run into Steph’s mom, let her know things are going OK.