Trump is the natural consequence of our anti-democracy decade

TRUMP IS WHAT WE GET WHEN WE SELL OFF OUR DEMOCRACY.

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We’re coming to the end of what might be called the anti-democracy decade. It began on 21 January 2010 with the supreme court’s shameful decision in Citizens United vs Federal Election Commission, opening the floodgates to big money in politics with the absurd claim that the first amendment protects corporate speech.

It ends with Donald Trump in the White House, filling his administration with corporate shills and inviting foreign powers to interfere in American elections.

Trump is the consequence rather than the cause of the anti-democratic decade. By the 2016 election, the richest 100th of 1% of Americans – 24,949 very wealthy people – accounted for a record-breaking 40% of all campaign contributions.

That same year, corporations flooded the presidential, Senate and House elections with $3.4bn in donations. Labor unions no longer provided any countervailing power, contributing only $213m – one union dollar for every 16 corporate.

Big corporations and the super-wealthy lavished their donations on the Republican party because Republicans promised them a giant tax cut. As Lindsey Graham warned his colleagues, “financial contributions will stop” if the GOP didn’t come through.

The investments paid off big. Pfizer, whose 2016 contributions to the GOP totaled $16m, will reap an estimated $39bn in tax savings by 2022. GE contributed $20m and will get back $16bn. Chevron donated $13m and will receive $9bn.

Groups supported by Charles and the late David Koch spent more than $20m promoting the tax cut, which will save them and their heirs between $1bn and $1.4bn every year.

 

The original article was by Robert Reich.

Posted in Current events, Politics | Leave a comment

Impeachment and What it Means

There is a great deal of talk and rhetoric on both sides as to whether or not President Trump should face impeachment  A president cannot be impeached just because you do not like their policies.

Reality is that President Trump potentially broke the law. He has clearly obstructed justice and hampered the investigation. Should he be REMOVED from the presidency for these acts? That is a tough question. What is important is the message is sends to future presidents and elected officials. That NO ONE is above the law.

From CBS News

Lies. Obstruction. Abusing power. Defying Congress.

Sound familiar?

These are the accusations House Democrats are leveling against President Trump during the ongoing  into him. And they’re similar to the allegations that fueled America’s few previous presidential impeachment proceedings.

Only two presidents in U.S. history have been impeached — Andrew Johnson in 1868 and Bill Clinton in 1998 — and neither was removed from office. A third president, Richard Nixon, resigned in 1974 before facing an impeachment vote, but not before articles of impeachment were drafted. Mr. Trump is now the fourth president in U.S. history to face a formal impeachment process.

The Constitution says presidents and other federal officials can be impeached for “Treason, Bribery and other High Crimes and Misdemeanors.” No president has faced impeachment articles for treason or bribery; all impeachment cases so far came down to what Congress considered to be “High Crimes and Misdemeanors.”

The phrase “High Crimes and Misdemeanors” is not defined in the Constitution, leaving it up to Congress to decide what qualifies in any particular case. Historians and legal scholars say it’s generally understood to mean a serious abuse of the public trust.

The Democrat-controlled House has not drafted impeachment articles against Mr. Trump or held an official impeachment vote, so it’s not clear what specific allegations might be included. After the House began its impeachment inquiry hearings, top House Democrats have said they have evidence of briberyand obstruction.

Here a look at what led to presidents in the past facing impeachment:

How impeachment works

The House has the power to impeach the president, and the Senate, in a separate process, then decides whether to remove an impeached president from office.

The House drafts articles of impeachment outlining the president’s alleged offenses, and can vote to impeach him with a simple majority vote on any of the articles. However, impeachment in the House is not enough to remove a president from office.

The Senate then holds an impeachment trial, and ultimately votes on whether to convict or acquit the president on the articles approved by the House. A two-thirds majority of senators would need to vote for conviction in order to remove the president.

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L-R: Andrew Johnson was impeached in 1868 but not convicted; Richard Nixon resigned before he could be impeached in 1974; Bill Clinton was impeached in 1998 but not convicted.LIBRARY OF CONGRESS VIA AP; GETTY IMAGES

Andrew Johnson

What happened?

The 17th president was the first to be impeached.

Johnson, a Democrat from Tennessee, was President Abraham Lincoln’s running mate for Lincoln’s second term. Just 42 days after becoming vice president, Johnson ascended to the presidency following Lincoln’s assassination in April 1865. This put him in charge of a country still reeling from the Civil War, and he was soon clashing with Congress over how to handle Reconstruction.

Johnson favored a lenient approach to the former Confederate states and shocked lawmakers with some of his vetoes, including his veto of a bill that would have provided food, shelter and aid to newly freed African Americans and Southern refugees.

The final straw came in 1868, when Johnson fired Secretary of War Edwin Stanton, a Lincoln appointee who opposed Johnson’s approach to Reconstruction. House Republicans said this violated the Tenure of Office Act, a law passed one year earlier that said the Senate must approve the president’s dismissal of a cabinet member he appointed. (Johnson vetoed that bill, but Congress overrode him. The Supreme Court ruled in 1926 that the Tenure of Office Act was invalid, and it is no longer enforced.)

What did the impeachment articles say? 

In February 1868, the House voted in favor of an impeachment resolution against Johnson. A week later, the House adopted 11 articles of impeachment.

Most of the articles centered on Johnson’s dismissal of Stanton, alleging that the move defied the Senate and violated the Constitution. One article accused Johnson of unlawfully ordering that all military orders had to come from the General of the Army.

Another article said Johnson gave speeches that attempted “to bring into disgrace, ridicule, hatred, contempt and reproach, the Congress of the United States.” That article said Johnson had declared “with a loud voice, certain intemperate, inflammatory and scandalous harangues,” and that he had uttered “loud threats and bitter menace” toward Congress.

The text of the impeachment articles repeatedly said that Johnson was “unmindful of the high duties of his oath of office.”

What was the outcome? 

Only three of the impeachment articles were voted on by the Senate — two about the appointment of Stanton’s replacement, and one about insulting and disrupting Congress.

On each of these three articles, the Senate acquitted Johnson by a single vote. He remained in office until 1869, leaving after one term when he failed to win his own party’s nomination.

Richard Nixon

What happened?

Nixon, a Republican, resigned before facing a formal impeachment vote. But he was the first president since Johnson to have impeachment articles drafted against him.

The impeachment process for Nixon started in October 1973, after the Watergate scandal had dragged on for more than a year.

Nixon consistently resisted House subpoenas as the Watergate investigation intensified. The impeachment process began just days after the “Saturday Night Massacre,” when Nixon fired the special prosecutor investigating Watergate, Archibald Cox, and accepted the resignations of Attorney General Elliot Richardson and Deputy Attorney General William Ruckelshaus.

In the impeachment proceedings, Nixon was not directly implicated in the break-in of the Democratic National Committee headquarters in Washington. Rather, the focus was on his efforts to obstruct the Watergate investigation.

What did the impeachment articles say?

The House Judiciary Committee approved three articles of impeachment against Nixon in July 1974.

The first said Nixon had worked with subordinates to “delay, impede, and obstruct the investigation” into the Watergate break-in to “cover up, conceal and protect those responsible; and to conceal the existence and scope of other unlawful covert activities.”

The second article said the president had “repeatedly engaged in conduct violating the constitutional rights of citizens” by “impairing the due and proper administration of justice and the conduct of lawful inquiries.”

The third article focused on Nixon’s resistance of subpoenas from the House committee. It said the president had “interposed the powers of the Presidency against the lawful subpoenas of the House of Representatives, thereby assuming to himself functions and judgments necessary to the exercise of the sole power of impeachment vested by the Constitution in the House of Representatives.”

What was the outcome?

The House Judiciary Committee approved all three articles, but the articles never reached a full House vote. An impeachment seemed inevitable after the U.S. Supreme Court ordered the White House to release the tape of a phone call that showed Nixon had ordered a cover-up of Watergate. Even the Republican House leader said he would vote to impeach Nixon.

Nixon resigned on August 9, 1974. He became the first, and so far only, U.S. president to resign. And even though he was not technically impeached, he was also the first president to leave office due to an impeachment process.

Bill Clinton

What happened?

More than 130 years after Johnson’s impeachment, Clinton, a Democrat, became the second president to be impeached.

Clinton’s impeachment process sprouted from the Starr Report — the result of a four-year independent counsel investigation into his administration — and from a lawsuit filed by Paula Jones, a woman accusing Clinton of sexual misconduct.

In a deposition for the Jones lawsuit, Clinton falsely claimed that he did not have a sexual relationship with White House intern Monica Lewinsky. The Starr Report said Clinton tried to cover up his affair with Lewinsky, and had pressured his secretary Betty Currie to repeat his denials.

What did the impeachment articles say?

The Republican-held House drafted four articles of impeachment against Clinton, but only two were approved.

The first article that passed said Clinton had provided “perjurious, false and misleading testimony” to a grand jury in the Jones case. It was approved in a 228–206 vote.

The second approved article, which passed with a 221–212 vote, said Clinton had “obstructed justice in an effort to delay, impede, cover up and conceal the existence of evidence related to the Jones case.”

An article for a second perjury count, and another article accusing Clinton of abuse of power, failed to get a majority vote.

Clinton was impeached in December 1998.

What was the outcome?

A Republican-controlled Senate acquitted Clinton on both charges in February 1999. The Senate trial resulted in 45 “guilty” votes for perjury and 50 “guilty” votes on obstruction — both short of the two-thirds vote needed to convict and remove the president.

All 45 Democrats in the Senate voted “not guilty” on both charges, and several Republicans joined them, with some arguing that Clinton did not deserve to be removed from the White House for these offenses.

Clinton remained in office and completed his second term.

Posted in Current events, History, Uncategorized | Tagged | Leave a comment

Rest In Peace My Friend

Monday night, November 4th I flew back from London. As my flight landed in Boston I saw I had a text from my friend Dave. He simply said, “give me a call when you get a chance”.
I spoke to him for about 20 minutes as I waited for my luggage. Just touching base. He had been fighting leukemia for 5 years and was headed back into the hospital. He had picked up an infection.

On Tuesday we spoke briefly again. I had seen something that I knew Dave would find funny. We shared a laugh and said we would speak next week.

On Saturday November 9th at 8:08 AM David took his last breath. Although his final words were not documented rest assured they were likely wildly inappropriate and probably sarcastic.

IMG_1341.jpegAs soon as I heard I called my wife and then a few other people who would want to know. There was a text message chain going around and it was soon apparent that Dave had spoken to many of us in the week before his death. He knew, but didn’t  tell us, that he was going to die. He knew that we would feel guilty if we didn’t speak to him before he died. So he called us.

 

 

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As I headed into work last week my phone rang. The caller ID said it was him. My first thought was- What a great practical joke. This is definitely something he would do. Then I thought- HOLY CRAP, A call from the dead. How did Dave pull that off? He’s got serious connections! I tentatively answered the phone. It was Kate, Dave’s wife. He had left a list of people to call. To see how WE were doing. He wanted to make sure we were Ok.

 

 

 

 

That is just Dave. Even in death, wanting to make sure we were ok. Wanting to make sure that we knew he loved us.

Dave had a wide circle of friends. People he knew from gymnastics both as a competitor and then a coach, from his time as a school teacher, a chiropractor, a skater, or just a guy in the neighborhood. We all may have met him in different places but we all know his sense of humor. His ability to make even the most benign situations funny or a funny situation inappropriate.

He loved Kate, he loved his family, he loved his friends and he loved French Fries. Not necessarily in that order.

Dave liked clean endings but everyone has regrets in life. His regrets were few but may include mixing tequila shots and Yuengling and a hot dog of questionable origin at a camp in Huguenot, NY.

Dave was active and loved music, dancing, roller skating, and gymnastics. If there was music on he was moving to it. He was the DJ at my wedding reception. Every time the music slowed down and I walked by- he thrust a drink into my hand and we toasted. After the reception my wife and I went off on our honeymoon. Apparently the reception after party he helped organize lasted for days in our apartment. We found empty bottles in cabinets, under the couch, in closets for about a year. They put our LIVE fish in a blender! (thankfully never plugged it in and turned it on).

On Tuesday, November 19 we held an informal celebration of his life at the Harlem Tavern in NYC. People came in from New Hampshire, WAY upstate NY, Virginia, Maryland, Connecticut, and throughout NYC and the boroughs.

It was really great seeing everyone. People who I grew up with but haven’t seen in decades. I met people Dave had gone to pre-school with. I met his sister who I had never met. People from around his neighborhood. People from the NYC skating scene.
There was laughter, tears, stories, more tears, more laughter and a potential for too much alcohol and some bad decisions. Dave would have been proud.F1C1D437-EB45-45F2-B0F2-D2C126574332

Dave never wanted to be the center of attention. He was more the guy on the side making wise ass comments. Someone put a photo of Dave in a glass. We toasted with him often.

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It is heartbreaking to think that many of us are not going to see each other until someone else dies.

Dave was the one who kept us in touch through e-mails and text messages.

When I die I hope I face it with the dignity, compassion and pure thoughtfulness that he did.

I hope that I am able to make an impact in as many lives as he did. And continues to do.

While I was on the train back from NYC the person sitting next to me noticed I was upset (and possibly REALLY hungover). I told her I was heading home after a celebration of life for a friend who had passed. Her toddler asked, “Mom, what is dying?”

What is dying
I am standing on the seashore, a ship sails in the morning breeze and starts for the ocean.
She is an object of beauty and I stand watching her till at last she fades on the horizon and someone at my side says: “She is gone.”
Gone!
Where?
Gone from my sight that is all.
She is just as large in the masts, hull and spars as she was when I saw her, and just as able to bear her load of living freight to its destination.
The diminished size and total loss of sight is in me, not in her, and just at the moment when someone at my side says,
“She is gone”
there are others who are watching her coming, and other voices take up a glad shout:
“There she comes!”
and that is dying.

May you rest in peace my friend. We all loved you.

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Posted in life, peace, poem | Tagged | 5 Comments

President “Good Brain” Just Told the Same Lie for the 80th Time

It feels like it should be a bigger story that the world’s most powerful man is nuts.

I really try not to post political stuff. I almost wish I was more oblivious to what was going on. This is just too crazy.

The original article was in ESQUIRE

It pretty much says it all that there was another Presidential Episode on Tuesday and it was barely a blip on the radar. These spectacles, where the world’s most powerful man rants and raves like a guy with whom you’d studiously avoid eye contact on public transportation, happen so regularly that nobody even much remarks on it anymore. Just a fact of American life. Oh, that’s just the president again! You see, Mr. Good Brain went to Pennsylvania yesterday to give a speech that was purportedly on the topic of energy, but which swiftly devolved into a festival of personal grievance and kaleidoscopic delusion. So the usual.

Thanks to CNN’s Daniel Dale, we know the president said he’s set to lose $5 billionbecause of lawsuits against him, an amount of money he almost certainly does not have. He demanded that Barack Obama’s book deal be investigated, because reasons. He said China does not have oil and gas—no need to look that one up—and that we’d be begging China for steel (he used a whiny voice) if he hadn’t saved the American steel industry, which would be dead without him. He said the only thing we export to Japan is wheat, which they buy out of pity, all of which is entirely made up and totally bizarre. He used a racist slur to refer to a presidential candidate. He mocked the idea of computer manufacturing, suggesting people want to dig coal or make steel. He invited the workers in attendance to troll the media with tweets about how he should serve a third or fourth term. He talked about copper theft. He talked about how he’s always loved trucks.

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The brain, it is good. It was even gooder when he expressed amazement at the turnout for an 11 o’clock speech when it was, in fact, 2:40 p.m.

But the really reassuring stuff came via the insane lying. As a champion bullshitter, Donald Trump is quite adept at convincing himself of something as he makes it up with the intent of convincing others. The truth is whatever you can get enough people to believe, including yourself. And it appears that the president has thoroughly convinced himself that he is responsible for a program that was signed into law in 2014.

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As a refresher, Trump was not president in 2014. His political career was primarily contained to suggesting the first black president was actually Kenyan, and thus illegitimate. (Not a racist bone in his body, etc. etc.) But the really astounding thing is he’s told this lie 80 (eighty!) times and shows no sign of slowing down. He is an unstoppable force of fabrication, and The Lamestream Liberal Fake News Media has not exactly proven itself to be an immovable object. At some point, he says the same false thing so many times that people just give up.

More than the specific lies, though, the establishment media has fought like hell to pretend that Donald Trump is merely an exceptionally rude and eccentric president, rather than someone who is quite clearly unstable and who poses grave danger to the republic. The President of the United States regularly claims that windmills cause cancer, and some in the press just shrug. They ask him about North Korea’s nuclear escalation after his supposed Artful Dealmaking with the regime, and he rants about the Beautiful, Three-Page Letterthat Kim Jong-un sent him. Meanwhile, they keep firing off rockets.

This is insanity. It’s not Biased for the media to say so, it’s fucking reality. Even the Mooch is saying it. Remember that guy? That was crazy, too. Jesus.

 

Posted in Current events, Politics | Leave a comment

Random Facts of The Day.

Welcome to August! Some are getting ready to head back to school. Some are just trying to get the most out of what is left of their summer.

For no particular reason- here are some facts:

1. A chipotle pepper is just a dried and smoked jalapeño.

And an ancho chile is a dried poblano.

2. Sour Patch Kids and Swedish Fish have the same base.

Sour Patch Kids are just pumped into a different mold and finished with a sour coating.

3. “Double Stuf” Oreos don’t actually have twice the creme filling.
A math teacher crunched the numbers and concluded they only have 1.86x.

4. Flamin’ Hot Cheetos were invented by a janitor who was working at the Frito-Lay plant.

Richard Montañez pitched his idea to Frito-Lay’s CEO in 1976 and went on to become an exec VP at PepsiCo. There’s even a movie in the works about his story.

5. Cilantro and fresh coriander are the same thing. They’re just two different names to describe the same plant. (There are also coriander seeds — which come from the plant too, and you can find them whole or ground up into spices.)

6. Spam is named for the combination of the words “spice” and “ham.”


And not, as urban legend would say: Scientifically Processed Animal Matter.
7. Kit Kats are filled with broken Kit Kats. The Kit Kats that get damaged during production are crunched up into a paste, then given a ~second life~ inside other Kit Kats.

8. Rhubarb leaves are poisonous in large doses.

The raw leaves contain oxalic acid, among other things. And if you eat a TON of them — or several pounds worth — it can be lethal.

9. McDonalds nuggets come in four distinctive shapes.


This is “to ensure consistent cooking times for food safety in all McDonald’s restaurants”, according to McD’s.

10. Bananas are berries — and strawberries are not. Botanically speaking, that is.
11. Honey never goes bad. As long as you properly store it sealed and in a dry place.

12. Pound cake got its name because the original recipe contained one pound of each main ingredient. That’s four pounds (!) total — of butter, sugar, eggs, and flour.

13. Brussels sprouts, kale, broccoli, cabbage, cauliflower, and kohlrabi all come from the same plant.


Brassica oleracea was selectively bred over hundreds of years to create dozens of very different vegetables.

14. Allspice isn’t actually a mix of other spices.Although it smells like cinnamon, nutmeg, and cloves, Allspice is a fruit picked from a tree — then dried and sold either as whole “berries” or ground up into its own spice.

 
15. All Froot Loops technically taste the same, no matter what color they are.I still like the red ones best, FWIW. 🙃

16. Asparagus grows straight out of the ground.

17. In 2018, Nabisco redesigned its iconic animal crackers box after PETA flagged it.


The new design uncages the animals and puts them in the wild.

18. The biggest difference between jam and jelly? Jam is made with fruit — and jelly is made with fruit juice.

Jam is made with fruit, sugar, and often pectin (a thickener). Jelly is made with fruit juice, sugar, and pectin. Another way to remember it? Jam is chunky — it’ll have mashed fruit pieces in it; whereas jelly is a smooth spread.
19. Most raw oysters are still alive when you eat them. In fact, oysters are stored under very regulated conditions because once they die, they are no longer considered safe to eat.

20. Red, yellow, and green bell peppers are all the same vegetable. They’re just at different stages of development. Bell peppers also have more vitamin C than oranges.

21. Haribo green gummy bears aren’t lime or green apple flavored. (They’re strawberry.)

And the red ones, apparently, are raspberry. o.O

22. Loofahs — aka: shower scrubbers — are made from gourds.

Specifically: the (aptly-named!) sponge gourds and luffa gourds.
23. Tootsie Rolls start out as giant 13-pound logs that are then shaped down to their mini size.


And they’re still made using their original recipe from 1896.

Did one of these blow your mind?

What’s your favorite random food fact? Share in the comments!

Posted in Humor | 1 Comment

Hammocks are Overrated

Hammocks always seem like a fun idea in theory … until you have to get out of one.

In honor of the very random holiday known as National Hammock Day, we’ve rounded up 20 hilarious (and also quite random) tweets about hammocks.

Abby Heugel@AbbyHasIssues

1. Get in hammock.
2. Relax.
3. Try and get out of hammock.
4. Panic.
5. Don’t fight it and just accept that this is where you live now.

306 people are talking about this

EnvyDaTropic™@envydatropic

Not one to brag but I’d win gold if falling out of a hammock without spilling your drink was an olympic sport

144 people are talking about this

Mary Charlene@IamEnidColeslaw

In hell you can only have sex in a hammock

45 people are talking about this

Sophia Benoit

@1followernodad

*lying in a hammock, not yet worried about my exit strategy*

45 people are talking about this

Bec Shaw

@Brocklesnitch

when pigs do a comedy roast it’s called a hammock

See Bec Shaw’s other Tweets

Abby Heugel@AbbyHasIssues

I just got ten minutes of resistance training trying to get out of the hammock.

124 people are talking about this

G@GretaGirl22

when you fall asleep on the hammock and you get rope-marks all over you.

See G’s other Tweets

maura quint

@behindyourback

comfort can come from many things, like right now all I need is to be wrapped in a hammock, rocked violently and spoken to in rapid Spanish

See maura quint’s other Tweets

Aparna Nancherla

@aparnapkin

I had a falling out with a hammock

23 people are talking about this

space force syd@bbysquids

I fell through my hammock but I saved my smore

View image on TwitterView image on Twitter
5,713 people are talking about this

Amy Kaufman

@AmyKinLA

What to do when bored in Utah? Push each other on the hammock until you almost flip over. Suprisingly fun. http://tweetphoto.com/7124759

See Amy Kaufman’s other Tweets

Charlene deGuzman

@charstarlene

Should I buy a hammock for my stuffed animals or just face my actual problems

68 people are talking about this

Abby Heugel@AbbyHasIssues

I think the best part of being Spider-Man is that you could use your webs to make a hammock and take a nap.

187 people are talking about this

Amy Kaufman

@AmyKinLA

Why don’t I have a hammock to read innnnnnn

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See Amy Kaufman’s other Tweets

kim monte 🏳️‍🌈@KimmyMonte

If you never want to hear from me again, put me in the middle of a hammock and walk away

See kim monte 🏳️‍🌈‘s other Tweets

Scaachi

@Scaachi

sometimes it is hard to feel like the company i work for isn’t a parody of itself when you see a pool donut in the shape of a hamburger leaning against the office hammock

See Scaachi’s other Tweets

Lili Reinhart

@lilireinhart

There is not a graceful way one can get into a hammock.

See Lili Reinhart’s other Tweets

Abby Heugel@AbbyHasIssues

My favorite extreme sport is trying to get out of a hammock.

32 people are talking about this

Scaachi

@Scaachi

the other day a raccoon strolled leisurely into our backyard in the middle of the day, jumped on our hammock, and then tried to steal one of @scottdeveau’s shoes.

feed the raccoons. they’re getting stronger. we won’t win.

See Scaachi’s other Tweets

JennyPentland@JennyPentland

*commissions one of those giant lord of the rings spiders to build me a hammock*

See JennyPentland’s other Tweets
Posted in Humor, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Tweets About Airport

It’s a rare kind of person who actually enjoys going to the airport. Between the long security lines, flight delays, scarce food offerings and generally unhappy people, there’s very little to relish about the experience.

But at least you can laugh (and tweet) about it. We’ve rounded up 45 too-real tweets about the hell that is the airport.

Erin 🔥🧘🏻‍♀️🔥 Ryan

@morninggloria

It should be okay to boo people at the airport

917 people are talking about this

maura quint

@behindyourback

sitting here in the airport waiting to board my flight and there’s a goddamned bird in the terminal flying around by itself showing the fuck off

32 people are talking about this

christine teigen

@chrissyteigen

every time I go to the airport, my gate is the longest walk possible. If I’m gate 48, the gates start at 1. If I’m gate 1, the gates start at 48 and go backwards. What are these other gates in between even? Are these actors

6,453 people are talking about this

Aparna Nancherla

@aparnapkin

Aint no salad like an airport salad cuz an airport salad don’t food

507 people are talking about this

Alyssa Limperis@alyssalimp

The airport is a lawless place. 7am? Drink a beer. Tired? Sleep on the floor. Hungry? Chips now cost $17

85.5K people are talking about this

Lili Reinhart

@lilireinhart

In other news, a man was carrying a frozen lasagna through airport security this evening.

2,341 people are talking about this

Anna Kendrick

@AnnaKendrick47

Why do I buy cooking magazines in airports? I might as well be buying porn. I get all excited but there’s nothing I can do about it.

4,022 people are talking about this

Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson

@MaraWilson

There is absolutely no reason to be using your skateboard indoors at an airport

132 people are talking about this

Aparna Nancherla

@aparnapkin

There is rude then there’s Airport Rude

144 people are talking about this

kim monte 🏳️‍🌈@KimmyMonte

“oh you’re thirsty? good. we’re $9 now, you stupid fuck” – bottles of water at an airport.

72 people are talking about this

christine teigen

@chrissyteigen

Too many people link the word “airport” with “barefoot”

198 people are talking about this

Jim Gaffigan

@JimGaffigan

Wow. NEWARK AIRPORT does a fantastic impression of HELL.

948 people are talking about this

claire@cloxic

me: has never done cocaine
me walking through airport security: oh god what if i have cocaine in my bag

38.7K people are talking about this

Scaachi

@Scaachi

Laguardia is a great airport if you’ve recently been held hostage by large rats and just need a quiet place to eat some off-brand Sbarro’s.

57 people are talking about this

wikipedia brown ||| abolish ICE.

@eveewing

me walking to the front of the boarding line at the airport

Embedded video

697 people are talking about this

Lesley Nneka Arimah@larimah

TSA Agent: Anything sharp or dangerous in here?

Me: Only if you fear the written word 😏 😏 *finger guns*

TSA: 😐

Me: 😬

TSA: 🤨

Me: No, ma’am, nothing sharp or dangerous.

112 people are talking about this

〰 Just Linda 〰@LindaInDisguise

I can help you get through airport security 30% faster – just get in any line other than the one I am in.

28 people are talking about this

Erin 🔥🧘🏻‍♀️🔥 Ryan

@morninggloria

The official seal of LaGuardia Airport is a sad family eating sadwiches on the floor

238 people are talking about this

Michael Ian Black

@michaelianblack

I will always admire anybody confidently strutting through the airport wearing a neck pillow.

148 people are talking about this

Seth Rogen

@Sethrogen

At the airport today, I asked my TSA agent how he was doing, and he said “just working at the TSA, where dreams go to die.” So everything is great.

11.9K people are talking about this

Ken Jennings

@KenJennings

Florida : ballot design :: New York : airport design

62 people are talking about this

Mindy Kaling

@mindykaling

When someone asks for a ride to the airport 🔪

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398 people are talking about this

Aparna Nancherla

@aparnapkin

People who wear cute outfits to the airport, what are you doing

167 people are talking about this

Lili Reinhart

@lilireinhart

The time between getting to the airport and actually getting on the plane is the worst. So close to a nap, and yet so far. 😴

1,964 people are talking about this

Erin 🔥🧘🏻‍♀️🔥 Ryan

@morninggloria

People ordering Frappuccinos at an overwhelmed airport Starbucks at 6:30 am should automatically be placed on the no-fly list

358 people are talking about this

Elizabeth Hackett@LizHackett

Two guys in the airport bar are amazed a margherita pizza has no alcohol in it and they’re the reason you can’t leave bags unattended.

129 people are talking about this

Mindy Kaling

@mindykaling

Never felt as forsaken as I did from 2:30 to 4am at JFK airport

78 people are talking about this

Tracie Tom@tracietom

I just took out a second mortgage on my house in case I get hungry at the airport tomorrow.

204 people are talking about this

dadpression@Dadpression

My favorite person at this airport is the little girl who keeps yell-insisting: “It’s not a bag, it’s my suitcase!”

18 people are talking about this

Aparna Nancherla

@aparnapkin

i just heard a TSA agent say “i mean there’s passion & then there’s love” & shortly after, my chia pudding was confiscated, this has been another episode of airport

416 people are talking about this

Lilly Singh

@IISuperwomanII

Waiting for my flight in this airport like…

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568 people are talking about this

Chelsea Nachman

@chelseanachman

the most unrealistic thing about love actually is that someone will pick you up from the airport

39 people are talking about this

wikipedia brown ||| abolish ICE.

@eveewing

this woman at the airport got mad that people didn’t stack empty bins in the security line and started exclaiming “LAZY!!! LAZY PEOPLE!!!” to no one while furiously reorganizing them

before you ask, yes she was

303 people are talking about this

Scaachi

@Scaachi

a little known fact is that if you stand in front of the gate at the airport for 45 minutes your flight will board and leave faster

65 people are talking about this

Elizabeth Hackett@LizHackett

My hobbies include: watching families in the airport and deciding what music goes under the movie trailer for the bad vacation they’re just starting.

72 people are talking about this

Bim Adewunmi@bimadew

the thing about dogs that are working at the airport wearing patches that read ‘I AM WORKING. DO NOT PET’ is that they are very fucking pettable.

43 people are talking about this

keely flaherty

@keelyflaherty

a man in the airport accidentally dropped his heavy luggage on my leg. he said “oops” & i said “oh sorry!thank you” & those are the two genders

121 people are talking about this

sloane (sipihkopiyesis)

@cottoncandaddy

can’t stop thinking about the time I watched a woman try to put her dog through the airport security scanner and the tsa agent picked it up and was like “ma’am no”

3,901 people are talking about this

wikipedia brown ||| abolish ICE.

@eveewing

Hi, I am the recreational airport walker! I don’t have anywhere in particular to be. I just like to come here to the airport and stroll around at a leisurely pace while remaining blissfully unaware of my surroundings. I like to stretch my arms all the way across the escalator and

91 people are talking about this

wikipedia brown ||| abolish ICE.

@eveewing

Me when the TSA agent disrupts my very carefully orchestrated ornate system for putting items on the x-ray belt

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Lilly Singh

@IISuperwomanII

Dear airport security, can you make up your mind. Does my bag go in the tray or not?!

569 people are talking about this

Scaachi

@Scaachi

look i know you’re all very excited about the footy ball but the AIRPORT is a BAD PLACE for LARGE GROUPS OF PEOPLE to SUDDENLY ERRUPT IN FRANTIC SCREAMS

108 people are talking about this

Natalie@jbfan911

me before going through security at airport: what if i accidentally have a gun

46.5K people are talking about this

Chelsea Nachman

@chelseanachman

tsa security agent: wow, that’s a lot of rings!
me: haha yeah
tsa: are you married?
me: nope !
tsa: well, what are you going to do when you get married?
me: MAYBE I WON’T EVER GET MARRIED !!!!!! THEN I WOULDN’T HAVE ANYTHING TO WORRY ABOUT!
tsa: …. have a nice day

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christine teigen

@chrissyteigen

Can you imagine just setting off the smoke detector in your house and not caring for hours because that is the Miami airport

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